Why is it I allow myself to fall for the wrong man. All my adult life I seem to fall for narcissistic men. But the man I had a 3 year relationship with really fooled me. I loved him with all my heart and soul. All he could do at the end of our relationship is have my stuff packed up and waiting for me to pick up. He had no emotion, just an agenda…

The Day We Met;

We met on a dating site (like so many others), after 1 month of talking on the phone while he was in Michigan for the summer. We decided to meet. Lets call him Dick. So when Dick got back to Florida we had a casual date at a mall (it was a Tuesday). After a whole month of phone calls and texting I was sure I was into this mans mind. Now I just needed to see if the physical part was there. Thank G-d he was a great kisser! Before we said our goodbyes Dick made sure he had a second date. (I always know when a guy is into me if he has asked for a 2nd date before the 1st date ends) So we made plans for a boat ride (he’s a boater) and dinner that following Saturday.

Our second date was fun. We took a boat ride for a few hours, made out along the way. He like me is not afraid of PDA…well actually he would have sex in public anytime. As I would learn of all his eccentricities. About an hour into our boat ride he looks at me and ask “Are you girl friendly”? I was a bit shocked, its only our 2nd date. But of course I answered his question. I have never been with a woman, never felt attracted to the same sex. So he asked if I ever would consider. I responded I guess if the situation was right and I felt like it was something I could do. I never made any promises. But I understand this is something that he needs. As there are many other things he needs as well. As you will learn through my story. After the boat ride we went for sushi dinner at one of his local favorites. After dinner back to his boat for more make out sessions. I think to myself. This guy really knows how to kiss and says all the right things. He is definitely getting a 3rd date. I have to say that Dick was not the usual guy I went out with. I like tall men, he was my height. Not the typical look I’m attracted too. If I didn’t talk to him for a month on the phone, I’m not sure if I would of even gone out with him on a second date. But our phone chemistry was great, and the fact that he is a great kisser turned me on.

Let me set the picture of Dick. He is in his 50’s (in 2010) and already retired. Very successful and enjoys all that life has to offer, with a cigar in his mouth. He lives on a big boat and has his crew. I have never been with a man like this, and it scared me a bit. I have always been very independent and have my own business. I always am able to take care of myself and my children.

So before our second date ended he wanted to make sure we had our third date.

On our third date…ever the romantic. He picked me up at the marina in my neighborhood. As we headed back to his marina where he keeps his boats, we talked a lot. Really getting to know each other.I knew at this point I was going to sleep with him. I was so attracted to him. You know when you first meet someone and all you can do is think about making out all the time! He was such a great kisser that I knew he would be a great lover. There was something very infectious about Dick. He sucks you into his world and makes you believe its all meant to be.

As we got back on board his boat he lives on. We immediately went right to the salon. I couldn’t wait…I had to disclose about my past and make sure he was okay with it. When I was married to my Husband, he had an affair that gave me an STD and I always want to make sure I talk about this subject with anyone I am seeing and getting more serious with. It’s never a comfortable subject but I feel that I need to talk about what I went through.

So  By this point we were totally into it and completely naked. As he touched me I thought I was going to explode! I have to say up until this point, he was the best lover I have ever had!

Little did I know that Dick had a lot of disclosures. But I would learn that in time.

As we continue to learn things about each other, we are enjoying our time together. We spend a lot of time out on one of his (as he calls them) toys. I am really learning a lot about boating, how to tie lines, what each part of the boat is called. This was all new to me, but I was soaking it all in. Dick was the best thing to walk into my life when he did. I had just lost my mother to cancer. So being out on the water, in the sunshine, doing something I know my mother loved. She loved anything to do with the water. So I felt like she was there with my all the time. Like she brought this man to me. I really believed it. I believed this Man was my Beshert (meant to be in Yiddish). I was falling for him and fast. Which brings me to his first disclosure. He had a hard time telling me this, but he just got it out there. He has been married 4 times! I know you are all thinking RED FLAG! Yup, I saw it, for about a minute. As he explained all his marriages and how long they lasted. I was hesitant, but thinking…how can this be happening, I already love this man. His 1st marriage didn’t last long and he has a daughter , 2nd marriage is the mother of his 2 boys. (already in their teens) and wife 3 and 4 were impulsive. Getting married after only a few short months of knowing them. Realizing that he had made the decision to get married so quickly was wrong. Who am I to judge? I’m not perfect either. He said it took him 50 years to really understand what women want and what he wanted in a relationship. So I’m thinking I have the new and improved Dick! Lucky me. I’m not rushing into anything anyway. I was married for 13 years and had a long and tiring divorce. All I cared about was being in love and having fun.

I’m really getting the hang of boating. Dick even said that he doesn’t enjoy boating alone anymore. That he has to have me there next to him. We are feeling like a team, and we are enjoying it! There is something about being out in the water and the sun that just gets me excited! We make out all the time, not thinking about other boats going by. That could be a bit embarrassing.

His whole life revolves around boating. He has been boating since he was in diapers. His first boat he bought with his Bar Mitzvah money, and has owned boats ever since.

I remember about 2 months into our relationship it was Thanksgiving Eve, and he had 1 of his boys visiting. At this point we haven’t met each others kids. So he drove over and picked me up.  We  drove to the Mall by my house and just made out in the car all night and talked.  The Mall police came up to the car and looked in with his flashlight. Told us we had to leave, we could not sit in our car. So I told him we were waiting for the mall to open up for Black Friday. It was around  9pm so he left us alone. Just such a sweet moment I remember so vividly.

You know that feeling of knowing that you are on the right path and see a future with that person and feeling like you have the whole world in your hands. I was thanking G-d everyday for the love that this man was showing me. I was In Love with this Man!

Another disclosure that he told me was about his health. In his 40’s he had open heart surgery, quintuple bypass. Also was on many medications. This was not an issue at all with me. I love to take care of those I love and if it means making sure he stays healthy, that would not be a problem. It’s all those cigars that he smokes that doesn’t help him. But he made it very clear that he is not giving up his cigars. He always said if I can’t have a tit in my mouth at all times then I have a cigar. That’s his humor…no filter either. He says what he is thinking, most of the time. The one thing I can say that probably bothered me the most, but like I said no one is perfect. Who am I to judge?

Sounds perfect…The next few months were amazing. I finally met a man who knew what he wanted and said he understood women. Then came more disclosures. By this point I’m in deep. One day when I was over at his place, He asked me to come over and look at his laptop. He wanted to show me something. What I saw next was the last thing I ever thought I would see. Especially if you know this man. I am a very open minded person and what I saw next had my mouth drop open. There was a picture of him sucking another mans dick. Yes I said it. I looked at him and asked him…why didn’t you tell me you were bisexual? I have no problem with it, and wish he would of said it to me from day 1. But it must of been very hard for him to tell me. He lives a hidden life about that. I can accept that he enjoy’s both genders. But what he could not accept is that I can’t. Its just not me. I am not bisexual at all. Can’t see myself even kissing a woman…(maybe JLo ;p ). I did say i would think about it and maybe try. Over the next year he tried to convince me but I just couldn’t. But I let him have what he needed, in the fact that he occasionally wanted dick. He really enjoys being with trans women (who still have their dicks). I guess he liked looking at a woman but having the man parts. I actually came along with him on one of the meetings he had and watched. You can’t get any closer that that in a relationship. (For anyone who doesn’t believe me I have proof on all this)

Having to go through life hiding who you really are cannot be easy. So when I say I gave everything to this man and accepted who he was fully. He was the best when he loved me. The best caregiver. Wanting always the best for us. Big heart, generous heart. There was nothing else I wanted but to love and take care of him. by our 3rd year together, he was getting restless in the fact I would not be with a woman. He came up to me with a look one day and just said ” I realize you will never be with a woman, and I accept that fact” But what he really meant to say is…I can’t be with a woman who is not bisexual. It took him 6 months from that moment to end things. Actually it almost ended a few months before when he picked a fight over something so dumb.He was upset that I started getting into shape. Working out and getting toned. He said I betrayed him by working out and getting healthy. This was all on the weekend of my daughters graduation. He had to destroy the happiness I was feeling being there for her. I was devastated with his behavior. But  We did work it out for a few more  months. Until he chose another reason to fight and break up.

One of my favorite vacations with Dick was our trip to Israel. He had never been and I hope this is a memory he will carry with him always. I have so many funny stories and really crazy ones. But that’s what made our relationship fun. One other favorite vacations with him was to Staniel Cay.
With the years that have gone by I have learned to forgive his behavior towards me. After the break up. I have learned that never let a man define who you are , no matter how much you love him and only want to show him by being there for him. The 3 years we spend together were the happiest I was in a long time. It’s finding that happiness again that keeps me pushing forward.